One of the things on my bucket list has been to go horseback riding in Montana. Specifically Montana. I don’t know why Montana, something in my head had just told me, it has to be in Montana and I’m not entirely sure why. So here I am, in Montana, and you best believe I did what I could to make sure I rode a goddamn horse. However, something strange occurred when on my ride, and although I had plenty of other things I was supposed to write about I felt I needed to get this one out first.
First let me set the scene. I’m excited today is the day my horse riding dreams come true, I wake up and every weather site tells me torrential rain. I need to drive 2 hours to get to my horse, and well accommodation, and as a relatively new driver I now have to deal with rain on a freeway. #FML. So I getting up at the crack of dawn I think I can beat the rain and set off on the road. Long story short, I do not beat the rain by any means and I do not enjoy myself for 2 hours as 18 wheelers speedy past me not only completely obscuring my view with their backslash but what feels like aggressively push my car off the road. However the fin does not end there as when I successfully conquer the freeway I then have to deal with the small road I need to drive 6 miles down that has puddles big enough for me to bathe in. My poor car now has to deal with the giant pools of water I’m making it drive through, and I’m freaking out it’ll drown. Needless to say after all that, I was riding a horse today, rain or shine. And rain I certainly did.
Staying at the historic Chico Hot Spring Spa afforded me a few benefits. The first was the two open-air natural mineral hot springs pools, the second was the seclusion of the property located far away, tucked among the mountains, and the third and most important was the ability to ride a horse. At 2pm I walked over to the barn, nervously unprepared to meet my horse. I’m introduced to a girl wearing a cowboy hat like it’s hers, with more mud on her jeans than put it this way I’m comfortable even looking at let alone wearing myself. She suits me up with a flicker, the biggest raincoat I’ve ever seen and waterproof cap and off we go to meet my horse. After a few horse 101 pointers I’m ready to mount Poncho, who I immedialdey love due to his one blue and one brown eye, oh and the fact Kesha rode him also made him pretty cool. Poncho had resting bitch face as his ears were permanently back which usually means they’re upset about something but I was assured this was just his normal state of mind. Don’t worry Poncho, I can relate and I think you’re awesome.
So I’m on Poncho expecting the rest of the group to arrive, and to my great pleasure find out that it’s just me, a private 1 hour ride! The horse gods were definitely smiling on me. Suddenly my nerves are gone, and we’re already walking off towards to rolling hills with majestic mountain backgrounds. I’d like to point out, yes, it is still raining and that flicker aint doing much in the way of keeping me dry. Riding through the hills of course I’m awestruck by the beauty around me and the amazing feeling of riding an animal, connecting with nature on a level I’ve rarely experienced but what got me was my guide.
As it was only the two of us we had no choice but to bond. I learned by choice she made the decision to leave her family back in Indiana and travel to Montana to follow her dreams of working with horses. After starting a degree in Horse Science she quit to just work directly with horses, and after 4 years had found been able to embrace what truly made her happy. She met a boy, who moved all the way from Tennessee to be with her, however that was on the rocks, and when asked what she was going to do, she answered, stop falling in love so easily. There was such an honest openness about her that while I was supposed to be marveling at the horse, I was more taken by her. She didn’t believe spending money guarantees happiness and had no interest in living in a big city, mainly due to the fact that where would all the horse live? I have to give it to her the girl had priorities. She wasn’t anything like me, but there was something about her that I felt connected to. Maybe it’s the fact I left NYC my home to pursue something new in the same way she did. Sure the reasons are very different but the idea of picking up from somewhere safe and familiar to head somewhere new connected with me instantly. All my friends are either in London (my actual home) or NYC and for all intensive purposes I’m kind of alone right now searching and very few people get that. And to be honest I believe to some degree she searching too.
She told me at the beginning of the ride she was independent, “Maybe too independent that was her problem” Sometimes I think that’s my problem as well. Most people don’t like to even have a coffee alone and I’ve been eating 3 meals a day solo for the last 13 days. I think I’m searching for where I fit in and today out of the blue I connected with someone who in her own way is searching too. And that feels comforting.
I don’t know if most people have their lives sorted out, it certainly seems like that way from the outside. Who knows if in their own way even the most settled and established people are looking for something too. I don’t know if it was the horses or the fresh air but I feel hopeful. Hopefully that there is something out there for me and if not I know that I am not the only one who hasn’t found there place in life. And for at least right now, that makes me feel a tiny bit less scared.
Out Of Office 